I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
