I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Girls should come with a carfax report
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So much rum. So many feels.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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