What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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