his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
birth control should be required to get into college
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
