Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
