kristin has been a bad kristin
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
