I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The air taste purple.
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