Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
