new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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