thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
