How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
