my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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