does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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