Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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