found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize