I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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