I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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