Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
