and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He passed out mid-signature
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
