You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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