Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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