I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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