Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
