i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
