nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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