That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
