true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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