I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
