Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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