Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
