Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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