i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
