Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
