I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
