My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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