hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
