How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just cropdusted the office
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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