i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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