So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
