That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
