We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
