I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
