That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
