i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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