well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
