So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
