This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
