I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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