Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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