you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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