I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
