What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
