I think scott just propositioned me for sex
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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