jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
