She's JV to your varsity
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
