How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
