I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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