I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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