If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Randomize
