So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
