we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
