I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
