It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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