why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So many bounce houses so little time
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
