If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
