If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
whose parrot is this?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
