When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
