i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
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