she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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